Starting over is hard

I have completed 4 marathons, 7 half marathons, and 3 relays. 




Right now I can maybe run a mile.  It would likely be a 12 minute mile.  And then I would need an ice bath.




When I started running years ago, besides being younger and about 40 pounds lighter, I started slow.  I celebrated the first half mile loop in my parents neighborhood.  I slowly increased to a mile, then a mile and a half (I was lucky that each additional block added about a half mile) and I remember being stuck at the 2 mile distance for a while.  Running up to the school and back was roughly 2.3 miles but there was a bit of a hill so I had to stop and walk part way. 




My distance increased from there, slowly but surely until I could run 15 miles without stopping.  All of my longer distances have had some walk breaks or rest breaks, but I could still put in some serious distance in a day.




So, uh, why can't I convince myself to follow this same method?  Why do I feel compelled to start with 3 miles?  I can't run 3 miles right now.  I SHOULDN'T run 3 miles right now.  Its asking for injury and will only set me up for failure and disappointment. 




TODAY I DECLARE I WILL START RUNNING AGAIN. 




I will run the loop by my house.  I think it will be just over a half a mile.  I will run this loop until it feels easy and I feel READY to go longer, not because I "should" go longer or because everyone else is going longer or no one will love me if I don't run longer.




Sorry, that got dark there.  But sometimes its a little dark living with irrational Laura.


Confession: I actually started last night.  I was pissed off from coming home to dog poop in the living room (because even though she pooped in the morning and again when I got home, there was another poop during the day?) so I threw on my clothes and went out for my loop.


I started jogging in the parking lot, my shins felt a little cranky but I felt good. I had been formulating this plan in my head and I started thinking wow, I'll have to find a new loop soon because this feels so easy! 


HAHA, LOL, JK.


1/4 of the way through and I felt tired and terrible but not so terrible that I couldn't keep going.  You know, basically the goal of this whole thing.  Run a manageable distance until I feel like more would be manageable.  That whole common sense thing.


Day 1 of running again is on the books.  I feel excited, my plan feels manageable, and I feel like I can succeed.